A Different Perspective

I have tried several times to write this …and I keep erasing… I want it to sound “good”… “perfect” but honestly, none of that even matters… I just need to share what is on my heart…and my mind… even if it comes out as some big rambling mess that justdoesntmakesense!  But thats okay… I’m not entirely sure this blog post is for you… I think I might be writing it for me.  I have so many overwhelming thoughts going on inside my head at the moment.  Many of you who live far away and who have never met me want me to write things about myself…to give you some insight as to who I am… ha! I want to say if you could hear me talk on the phone…in about a minute… You’d gather that I’m a little A.D.D… I always have a million things going on… mostly work stuff.  What you see is what you get… I am bubbly, genuine, funny…  (or maybe I’m giving myself a little too much credit!)  ha.

I Just…

I say those things because what I am about to share is something that is very heavy on my heart.

In fact I’m sitting here typing this through tears streaming down my face and snot… well you know… where there are tears, there is snot! :)   So… on a serious note… Edmund Prieto. A very talented photographer in California… a very young talented photographer in California… lost his wife recently.  I have never met this photographer…  but I have admired his work and his heart from afar… and I can not begin to describe how much faith he has.   I just read his recent blog post honoring his wife Brooke…  And I sat here… in tears… and my world stopped for a minute…  I mean… Can you even imagine? Losing your best friend? The love of your life? The one person who knows you inside and out? The one person you know you can go to for physical comfort? Gone?! What?  Now, I have… as my mom would be put.. “been touched by such great loss for my entire life…” but reading Edmunds post about his wife… and his loss… just hit me. HARD.

We are certainly not guaranteed tomorrow.  Why would we live like we are? Why do I live EVERY DAY… like I have to work my heart out… and not embrace or savor my moment… THIS moment.

I look back on 2009… and it was one busy year.  And as much as I love my job.  All of my memories are work-related.  WHAT?! Is that embracing life?  That isn’t what I call living.  Sure I can love my job… but it doesn’t mean that is ALL I have to love.  It’s OKAY for me to love being with family, friends, having dinner parties, traveling etc… But I ALWAYS feel like work has to come first… or if I am going to have some client…who sees me out wondering why I’m not at home editing their pictures! (Don’t get me wrong… I don’t think my clients actually feel this way… I think that I think they feel this way… nevermind, that was confusing.)  I just feel sometimes that when it comes to work… I put it in front of everything else in my life… and I am making a promise to myself… that I can’t do that anymore.  I just can’t.  I need to enjoy this life… I only get one.  ONE.  I can’t re-do it because I took it for granted the first time.  ONE.

And I am going to savor it…

I am going to stop in the middle of working… and go watch a movie… by myself.

I am going to stop working … and go outside and play with my dogs.

I am going to say Yes! when someone asks if I want to do something… instead of saying.. “No, I have to work.”

I am going to stop letting my work getting in the way of living.

There will always be work to do.  Always.

But…

My family won’t always be here.  My friends won’t always be here.  My dogs won’t always be here.

How many more birthdays am I going to miss?

How many more holidays am I going to miss?

(This doesn’t mean I’m going to neglect my brides, clients/friends, business- I’m just going to be more balanced.)

So this is my promise to myself.  I am going to live life in a way that isn’t so consumed by work ALL the time…(I challenge you to do the same… no matter what your profession.)… and maybe my blog posts can be about my life story… and not just about work.  I mean, its my blog… I can do that right? Kind of like… its my party, I can cry if I want to?

Edmund… reading your sweet words about your journey with Brooke and seeing that precious slideshow of your moments together… your memories together… your laughs together… has made me realize that I don’t have those memories myself… And I can’t have those memories unless I make time for them.  So I am making time.  Starting now.

Edmund, you have exhibited the kind of faith I only hope I could have someday.  You are such an inspiration.  Brooke is such an inspiration… I am so thankful, that you embraced and savored all of those moments… every picture… Most people don’t… I don’t. I don’t know what else to say… I admire you… and Brooke. I am so sorry for your loss but I am overjoyed that she is dancing in Heaven.

Brooke is making an impact across the world… only a special person can do that.   :)  Please read Edmunds post here.

photo copyright Edmund Prieto